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worst hero ever
by ~metalgeargozilla

Worst Hero Ever
Chapter One: The Beginning

In a place far away we join our hero sitting on his couch. The narrator in my head screaming at me, "You're supposed to save the princess! Now go do some saving!"
Hero: I have to go to my job.
Narrator: Your job is to save people.
Hero: That sounds dangerous. I have better things to do.
Narrator: That's a lie. The only thing you do is sit around and watch TV.
Hero: I also play video games and sell boxes.
Narrator: I don't care. Hold my hand so I can teleport you to the castle.
Narrator: The hero enters the castle not caring if he lives or dies. He only wants to save the princess and defeat the dragon.
Hero: No I don't want to save the princess or kill the dragon. She could be ugly or worse be a man.
Narrator: Assume she's hot and not a man. Now go fight the dragon!
Hero: What?! There is a dragon? You didn't tell me that!
Narrator: Yes I did. Twice as a matter of fact.
Hero: Hey! Where's the dragon? It's gone!
Narrator: What do you mean there's no dragon?
Hero: Wait. I found a note.
Dear hero, I have saved myself. I'm using the dragon to attack my own castle for hiring the worst hero ever. Ps. there is pie in the box. Love Princess Peach
Hero: Does that mean I have to stop the princess now?
Narrator: Yes it does. Now lets go.
Hero: Ok, but I'm eating pie first. I wouldn't want to die on an empty stomach. Oooh yumm, it's cherry!
tbc

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Lucky basterds

Shannon wakes up on the flying llama she look down to see that she is 80 feet from the worst part of sometimeville.
Shannon: John get this llama to land on the groud right now.
John: You been staying in your room for to long so I'm forcing you to leave your room an get a job.
Shannon: I've only been in my room for one day an you said I could take all the time I need to get over marceline dumping me.
John: Stop being such a drama queen marceline wanted sometime apart that doesn't mean your realtionship is over.  
Shannon: So why can't you get a  job anyways.
John: Because on the right side of the declaration of independence in small print it's states that the john never haves to get a job or pay tax.
Shannon: If your going to lie at least think of  a good lie.
Duck: All non-beliver must be thrown of the llama.
Shannon: John could you please stop this crazy Duck before he killes me.
Duck: The non-beliver does not get to talk to the john.
Duck then throw Shannon of the llama she almost lands in Fluffle puffs soft fur but instead she falls into the cactus store. As she lays in a pill of cactus Emilie helps her off them.
Shannon: Thank you Emilie now let's get out of here before John sends someone to make sure I get a job.
Emilie: Sorry but if I don't make sure you get a job John will be with me everytime I go on a date. An I rather have a normal date were I don't have to make sure John not trying to kill my boyfriend.
Shannon: Don't worry Emilie no matter what I will get a job.
Emilie: Thank you Shannon.
Shannon: Your welcome also did John at least tell you wre we could find a job.
Emilie: Yes he did but it mint be a better idea to look around first. Just in case it's some kind of place that serves were-wolf.
So Emilie and Shanoon go on a quest for a job and the first places they stop at is a garden. But there is no one around other then giant vince fly trap with a lght shinging on it.
Shannon: Let's get out of here this place is super creepy.
?????: No you should stay this place this place is awesome an we have pie.
Emilie: Let's get the hell out of here before they feed us to that plant.
Emilie try's to open the door but it's looked.
?????: You work here you can't leave.
Shannon: Sorry everytime I try to start a garden all the plants die.
?????: That doesn't matter all you have to do is sign this contract an then the plant will eat you. Then your next of kin will get your paycheck.
Shannon: So if I don't sign the contract the plant won't eat me.
?????: Yes I mean it be rude if I let the plant eat you before you signed the contract.
Shannon an Emilie then leave the plat shop. The guy goes run after them but the plant grabs him with his vines then devors him.
Emilie: I sure the next place we go to will be better.
The next place they go to is a candy shop called evil candy shop ps there are no humans in the candy.
Emilie: Since we know this place is evil let's just move on to the next place.
As they leave someone put's up a sign on it is free peppermints. Shanon then runs into the candy shop an get's hit in the head with a frying pan. Shannon wakes up tied to a chair. She looks around an see Fluttershy with a chainsaw walking slowy to her.
Shannon: I thought you only put humans in your candy.
Fluttershy: That's a lie because I really put anyone into my candy.
Duck: Oh my glob there no way I thought that would happen. That is the greatist plot twist ever no one will eveer be able to top that. (Duck head explodes)
Fluttershy: Now stand still or I mint mess up your face.
Shannon close her eye as the chainsaw get's closer to her but enoughthing happens.
Shannon: So when are you going to cut me up so you can add me to your candy as a sercet ingredent.
Fluttershy: What are you talking about all I'm doing is making a carvng your face into  chocolate block.
Shannon: But didn't you say you we're going to put me into your candy.
Fluttershy: Sorry but I been geting ready for this one play were Pinkie Pie put's pony's in cupcakes an I got my words mixed up. I mint to say that I make everyone into candy sculptures.
Shannon: Who knocked me out an why am I tied in this cahir.
Fluttershy: That was the weird Duck knocked you out an tied you to the chair. So since your here would you like to take the position I mean if you want too.
Shannon: I'll start working tommorrow.
Fluttershy: Everyone get's free giant free peppermints.
As Shannon eats the giant peppermint Nazi cat's throw her into a bag will of sleeping gas. Shannon wakes up tied to a table with a light on herface.
Nazi Cat: Now tell us werewolf were can you keeping your weapons of mass destruction.
Shannon: I don't have any secerts weapons of mass  destruction.
Nazi Cat: All werewolfs have serect wepons of mass  destruction now tell me where you hide them or else I get out the ball of yarn.
Shannon:  Oh no don't hurt me with the ball of yarn.
Nazi Cat throws the yarn ball at a red button a cat laser gun comes from out of the celling.
Nazi Cat: Now you'll become a cat and you'll have to tell me everything.
Shannon: Oh no only if there was someone to save me they could stop this.
Back as John House
John an Duck are sitting on the couch doing enough thing.
John: Hey Duck I feel like we forgot something.
Duck: Wait Shannon has been gone for 8 hours.
John: Which means we don't have a enough yarn to make bad christmas sweater for the party. Maud pie go get some yarn at Emillie's house.
Maud pie: I'll do that but are you sure there's enoughting else you like me to do.
John: Also get more eggnog.
Back at Nazi cat base Maud pie walks into the room.
Shannon: Save me Maue pie he's going to turn me into a cat.
Nazi Cat: Your to late Maud pie my laser is almost charged up there enoughting you can to stop me muhahahahahahaha.
Maud pie: Do you have any yarn I can borrow.
Nazi cat: Arn't you here tp save Shannon.
Maud pie: No I'm just get some yarn.
Nazi cat: It's by the panzer tank.
Maud pie: Thank you.
Nazi cat: Your welcome.
Maud pie then leaves to get eggnog.
Nazi cat:  Now no one can help you muhahahaha.
Then Emilie walks down the stairs.
Emilie: Mrs. snuggles are you trying to get werewolf serects from Shannon.
Mrs. snuggles: No were acting at a scene from my fartivte movie.
Emilie: Mrs. snuggles you promise me that you would stop acting like a nazi an do normal cat things. Now release Shannon or you get no any tuna.
Mrs. snuggles: Okay I'll untie the werewolf.
Emilie: Once your done you can have dinner.
Emilie then walks back up strais.
Mrs. snuggles: For now you won Shannon but next time you'll tell me all your evil dogs secerts. Then everyone will now that dogs are the most evil thing on earth an cats are mans best friends.
Shannon: Don't tell me your next evil plan is to sleep on my couch the whle day so I don't get to watch anything.
Mrs. snuggles then start to walk up the stair.
Shannon:  Hey Mrs. snuggles arn't you supposed to untie me.
Mrs. snuggles: I love to hel you but I have to go take my five hour nap
Shannon:  All your cat laser is just some laser pointer enoughting will happen to me.
The cat lasre fires an Shannon is turned into a cat.
Back at John house
Maud pie comes bak with the eggnog.
Maud pie: Shannon needs your help John some Nazi cat as her in Emilie basment an he going to turn her into a cat.
John: Don't worry Maud pie all I have to do is eat my eggnog then I'll have the power to save Shannon.
shannon then kicks down the door.
John: Okay Shannon saved herself I don't have to do anything Also did you get a job.
Shannon: Yes I have a job now but because you didn't come to save me I'm stuck as a cat.
John: I forgot to tell you that marceline was pregent so she went to PB to see if your the babyes second mom. Also if I have saved you. You could have saw her give birth to the baby.
Shannon: The Shannon will kill you.
Duck throws a red ball of yarn an Shannon runs after it.
Maud pie: Arn't you going to tell her that she'll be a catfor only  two weeks.
John: I could tell her but it be more fun not to. Now get more cat things so we can enjoy this even more before it's over.
On the moon
King Dog: Now that Shannon is a cat we can use our weapons of mass destruction to take over earth muhahahahahahha.
All the dog solder that to laugh evilly with their leader.
Duck: Like oh my glob worst plot twist ever anyone could see that happening.

The end
 THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. The John
2. king John ruler of everything
3. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1. metalgeargozilla
2.  darkcanadianvincent

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1.  Finshed playing rember me
2.  doing this quiz
3.  watching jacksepticeye

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1 metalgeargodzilla
2 darkcanadianvincent
3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
darkcanadianvincent

Me THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
Three things you like about yourself:
1. my facial hair
2. writing skills
3. fully functioning internal organs

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. That I procrastinate to much
2. An that I'm to lazy sometimes
3.  

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS: ...what?
1. I forgot where I was born so it will be a will till I can answer that
2. I moved at least three times during my childhood because of my dad being in the navy
3. One day i was bit by a spider and enough thing happened

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. Falling from a tall building
2. Things that no one can explain
3. complete darkness

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Clothes that all you get to know only the sexy  ladies get to know more
2.  
3.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Laptop
2. phone
3. sun glasses

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. do a barrel roll
2. Play more video games
3. eat even more pie 

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Queen
2. backstreet boys
3. bee gees

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. pie
2.  alcohol
3 more pie



Everyone that reads this must do it or else I'll get super drunk at your house and try to eat your dog or any other kind of pet you may have and eat all your pie 

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metalgeargozilla's Profile Picture
metalgeargozilla
John
United States
I like yuri, long walks on the beach, and killing animals
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:iconcaptainkharma:
CaptainKharma Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thanks a lot for the fav ! It's really really cool ! You can also +watch my page, make critiques and ask comissions ! ;) (Wink)
Faving fun ! :D (Big Grin)
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2014
your welcome :-)
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:iconsilverthewerewolf:
Silverthewerewolf Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Johnnnnnnnnnnnn
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2014
Emilieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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:iconsilverthewerewolf:
Silverthewerewolf Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I miss my big bro
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2014
And I missed my little sis
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:iconmichaelodomart:
MichaelOdomArt Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2014
Thanks for the :+fav:! Stop by and check out my comic sometime at Holiday-Wars.com www.deviantart.com/users/outgo…
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2014
your welcome
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:iconfuturetrunks22:
FutureTrunks22 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014
Hi
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014
Hi :iconflufflepuffplz:
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:iconfuturetrunks22:
FutureTrunks22 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014
:iconrtruthplz: What's Up?
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014
enough thing munch 
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:iconprincessasparagus92:
PrincessAsparagus92 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflufflepuffhappyplz::iconsaysplz: Thanks for watching :heart:
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014
:iconattentionhorse1plz::iconattentionhorse2plz::iconattentionhorse3plz:
:iconattentionhorse4plz::iconattentionhorse5plz::iconattentionhorse6plz:
:iconattentionhorse7plz::iconattentionhorse8plz::iconattentionhorse9plz: your welcome
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:iconprincessasparagus92:
PrincessAsparagus92 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:huggle:
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014
:icondeadpoolplz:
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:iconspigarose:
SpigaRose Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
thanks for the fave :heart:
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
your welcome :iconflufflepuffplz:
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014
:iconflufflepuffplz:
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:iconmetalgeargozilla:
metalgeargozilla Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014
:iconqueenflufflepuffplz:
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